By Anna Garleff - Founder of Garleff Coaching and Consulting Group (GCCG) | The Seeking Veritas Business and Leadership Column is an ongoing collaborative project between SG Productions & GCCG
I read: “Cultural intelligence depends on the experience within your family of origin. No matter how many trainings you take, it’s hard-wired” and actually blurted out WHAT?!! I was relieved to read the next line: “…is definitively NOT hard-wired” and greatly appreciated the deliberate use of “NOT” (as opposed to a regular "not") for emphasis.
“The ability to control impulse is the base of will and character.” Great line, very convicting.
“Early childhood experiences are the wordless blueprints for emotional life.” This line captures so much, and it doesn’t get enough attention. It’s not about making excuses, being stuck in the past, or refusing to take responsibility, as is so often the immediate response to this. It’s about understanding that simply saying (to oneself or to others) “do this” or “don’t do that” will typically be ineffective if there’s a contradiction with that inner blueprint. The plasticity of the childhood brain means that blueprint is deeply embedded; it can’t just be erased. But one can recognize it, identify flaws in it, and develop new blueprints which support a healthier emotional life; and it’s exciting to think that with dedicated effort, continual refinement of those new blueprints can occur over time with new inputs/experiences.
“[N]o amount of EQ is going to make up for a lack of psychological safety in a broken organizational culture.” Another hugely important point that doesn’t get enough attention, especially for those just beginning to sort things out and trying to get their bearings as they try out new tools. At the family, organizational, or community level, there’s a level of dysfunction that cannot be successfully navigated or negotiated with; relying on EQ and the like is akin to bringing a knife to a gunfight—destined to end very badly. “[M]ake better choices about where you’re going to show up…” sage advice that has the potential to eliminate a ton of problems, and prevent many problems before they start.
“There is never ‘one answer’, it is never static; and must be seen as a set of tools rather than an accomplishment or destination.” So well-expressed. This perspective is applicable to so many arenas, and is precisely how one continues to refine those aforementioned blueprints over time.
What a jam-packed piece, with so much to take away on so many levels. Absolutely love how it led me to reflect and consolidate my own thoughts on a variety of very important issues.
Dear Susan - in an age of scrolling, having someone actually savor and digest the morsels of thought is very touching. The specific comments and feedback - especially the process of what happened to you because of reading it - is the icing on the cake. Thank you!
Such an insightful article Anna. It touched on so many things that have been part of an ongoing journey for my wife and I over the years. The familial micro-cultures that we are all born into and adopt, the wordless blueprints that early childhood experiences stamped upon our hearts but were difficult to dissect and articulate in adulthood, and the self-identities we adopted based on how we measured up against our peers with general cognitive intelligence and study habits. You are so right, it has been our experience that with a willingness to explore, examine and be open to different ideas and perspectives, we all have the ability to grow our IQ, EQ and CQ...but it is a process. Thank you so much for bringing this all together.
I read: “Cultural intelligence depends on the experience within your family of origin. No matter how many trainings you take, it’s hard-wired” and actually blurted out WHAT?!! I was relieved to read the next line: “…is definitively NOT hard-wired” and greatly appreciated the deliberate use of “NOT” (as opposed to a regular "not") for emphasis.
“The ability to control impulse is the base of will and character.” Great line, very convicting.
“Early childhood experiences are the wordless blueprints for emotional life.” This line captures so much, and it doesn’t get enough attention. It’s not about making excuses, being stuck in the past, or refusing to take responsibility, as is so often the immediate response to this. It’s about understanding that simply saying (to oneself or to others) “do this” or “don’t do that” will typically be ineffective if there’s a contradiction with that inner blueprint. The plasticity of the childhood brain means that blueprint is deeply embedded; it can’t just be erased. But one can recognize it, identify flaws in it, and develop new blueprints which support a healthier emotional life; and it’s exciting to think that with dedicated effort, continual refinement of those new blueprints can occur over time with new inputs/experiences.
“[N]o amount of EQ is going to make up for a lack of psychological safety in a broken organizational culture.” Another hugely important point that doesn’t get enough attention, especially for those just beginning to sort things out and trying to get their bearings as they try out new tools. At the family, organizational, or community level, there’s a level of dysfunction that cannot be successfully navigated or negotiated with; relying on EQ and the like is akin to bringing a knife to a gunfight—destined to end very badly. “[M]ake better choices about where you’re going to show up…” sage advice that has the potential to eliminate a ton of problems, and prevent many problems before they start.
“There is never ‘one answer’, it is never static; and must be seen as a set of tools rather than an accomplishment or destination.” So well-expressed. This perspective is applicable to so many arenas, and is precisely how one continues to refine those aforementioned blueprints over time.
What a jam-packed piece, with so much to take away on so many levels. Absolutely love how it led me to reflect and consolidate my own thoughts on a variety of very important issues.
Dear Susan - in an age of scrolling, having someone actually savor and digest the morsels of thought is very touching. The specific comments and feedback - especially the process of what happened to you because of reading it - is the icing on the cake. Thank you!
Such an insightful article Anna. It touched on so many things that have been part of an ongoing journey for my wife and I over the years. The familial micro-cultures that we are all born into and adopt, the wordless blueprints that early childhood experiences stamped upon our hearts but were difficult to dissect and articulate in adulthood, and the self-identities we adopted based on how we measured up against our peers with general cognitive intelligence and study habits. You are so right, it has been our experience that with a willingness to explore, examine and be open to different ideas and perspectives, we all have the ability to grow our IQ, EQ and CQ...but it is a process. Thank you so much for bringing this all together.