Sometimes having fun means we’re taking a mental break to process our life.
By Vernon Hiller | The world tends to rush us along. It wants us to quickly figure things out and find out how and where we fit into the system. But sometimes we need time to process who we are befo
By: Vernon Hiller for Sankarsingh-Gonsalves Productions
I had a lot of fun when I was young. Some saw it as a distraction from taking life seriously. It was. I was unfocussed, thought little about the future, had no goals, and thought only about the next fun outing. The truth is, I was using fun as a distraction from having to address the difficult things in my life. Due to my ADHD and inability to sustain focus and easily process written information, I was failing most of my classes. I never studied and seldom finished assignments. My parents had split up, 3 of my friends had died in two tragic unrelated accidents, and after high school I found myself without any sort of plan. But I found work and continued having fun.
When I look back on those years it is easy to be critical of myself for not getting my act together sooner. There were many people throughout that period, and even into college when I did begin to apply myself, who still saw me as a happy-go-lucky guy who just lived in the moment and had few aspirations. In many ways I still was. Yet what others and myself could not see was that I needed time. It was as simple as that. I needed time to recalibrate, evaluate and assess where I was at, and where I wanted to go in my life.
It can be so easy to be drawn into the world’s rush to hurry things along. We can start to criticize our young people for having no direction or plan for their future. We often act as if there is some point at which they should have it all figured out. We tell ourselves that they are too carefree and not mindful enough of the responsibilities they should be shouldering as they enter adulthood. We become frustrated when we hear they have no tangible goals, and are just letting themselves be carried along by the tide to wherever it might lead them. But that is not always the case.
The world is increasingly complex and ever changing. Sometimes young minds just need time to process things. They need time to look inward and ask themselves if they are ready to make a change.
This morning while getting ready for the day, I found myself wondering how much further along I would be now if I had just gotten my act together 5 years earlier. The truth is I couldn’t have. I needed that time of apparent mindless distraction for my subconscious to process my past before it could start planning my future. I was not aware of it back then, but as opportunities and choices started to present themselves I was seizing them. I was changing and beginning to mold the kind of person I would need to be in order to carve out a path for myself.
Seldom do we recognize this process taking place in ourselves, and others have even less ability to see it. But it is at this juncture in our lives where supportive encouragement as opposed to critical judgement becomes crucial. Living with intent, setting goals, and developing a positive “I can” mindset requires support, and it can be found in any number of sources. Books, friends, co-workers, motivational podcasts, recordings or videos, can all be sources of great strength and inspiration. Whatever it might be, surround yourself with what lifts you up and makes you want to move forward. That something is different for everyone, but it is out there. Even quotes can stir you to want more in your life. When they resonate with you write them down, keep them close to your heart and use them to inspire and strengthen yourself when you begin to have doubts or negative self-limiting thoughts.
As parents, educators and leaders, it rests with us to recognize the important role we play in gifting time and support to those who look to us for guidance in their early adult years. These are difficult times for many of our young people. Hope is under attack. So many messages are telling them there is no point, the future is bleak, and that putting in the time and energy to create something for themselves is pointless. These messages are restraining, with the result that some young people are taking longer to sort through, push past them, and find a path that is uniquely theirs.
It took a while for me to chart a path of my own design. I was lucky to have had the time I needed to clear away the debris, discover my potential, and start down a path that aligned with my values. Let’s be the ones who lead by example, offer guidance when requested, and who support those who are not yet ready to take their first step from fun to future.
About the author: Vernon Hiller is a decorated District Chief of Operations (Retired) with the Toronto Fire Services and has served the city for over 36 years. He is a Board member with LEADR - a charitable non-profit organization dedicated to providing literacy tutoring for adults in Durham Region. - Having struggled with ADHD as a child, Vernon is passionate about helping others discover the potential that hides within them.
This was so well written. Awesome flow, tight but not dense, with no fluff or filler. Great rhythm and pacing with the varied sentence length. Technically, this was really pleasing to read and process.
As for the actual message, I loved it. So many powerful and poignant lines, but this one really stood out for me personally: "I needed time to recalibrate, evaluate and assess where I was at, and where I wanted to go in my life." So well stated, and this can be relevant at any age where we find ourselves needing to re-establish our life and/or our identity due to major events, significant changes, or unexpected losses. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful, powerful, and meaningful piece.