Resilience Is Not a Solo Endeavour

By Susan Knight | SGP Health & Wellness Featured Columnist

Written by Susan Knight for Sankarsingh-Gonsalves Productions.

Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash

Resilience:  the ability to withstand and overcome life’s difficulties, disappointments, and setbacks.  When we think about resilience, we envision mentally strong individuals who possess fortitude and grit.  Tough, tenacious individuals who reach deep into an inner wellspring of strength, courage, and conviction that can see them through whatever comes their way.   

But is it really just about personal inner strength?  Is resilience a trait you either have or don’t have, based solely on personality and individual character?  It turns out this isn’t the case at all.  Research has shown your level of resilience is impacted by your relationships, and you can leverage those relationships to increase your resilience as you move through life.   

Resilience and confidence go hand in hand, and both can be hard to find when you believe you’re in over your head or feel overwhelmed by what you’re facing.  When you think you’re not equipped to deal with a situation, feelings of inadequacy set in. Your confidence takes a hit, which negatively impacts your self-perception.  Once trapped in this loop, it’s hard to break out of it, which is precisely where relationship connections come into play. As you connect with others, that unhealthy loop is intercepted.  Thoughts, feelings, and perceptions get reconfigured, enabling you to cope more effectively. You’ve tapped into a relational source of resilience. 

What type of relationships are most valuable?  That depends on the situation.  If you find yourself overreacting and blowing things out of proportion, you’ll want to connect with those who help you regain perspective.  Do losses and setbacks have you drowning in a sea of negative emotions? Connections that offer empathy create a space for you to express those emotions, so you get them out of your system rather than being consumed and overwhelmed by them.  When a new or difficult work situation fills you with self-doubt, connections that provide validation and remind you of your capabilities can help you push through.  

While these kinds of relationships typically don’t happen overnight, meaningful connections can emerge suddenly in some of the least expected places.  Hence the value in nurture existing relationships while being open to new ones. 

Former ESPN sports reporter Sage Steele has shared publicly about an incident that tested her resilience.  As a teenager, Steele started attending a new high school where she was the only Black student.  Some boys cornered her in the hallway to let her know, with a racial slur thrown in, they didn’t think she belonged there.  The school’s principal refused to believe the incident took place, compounding the situation.     

Steele describes feeling broken and dejected.  She trudged through the halls with her head down until a teacher (who Steele didn't know) intervened, providing validation and affirming her right to be there.  According to Steele, this interaction shifted her mindset and bolstered her confidence.  Her newfound resilience enabled her to escape the downward spiral she was in. 

Any one of us can be hit by a debilitating setback we just can’t seem to bounce back from, or a perfect storm of challenging events that’s hard to bear up under.  When thoughts, feelings and perceptions are clouded, minor issues can seem like insurmountable obstacles.  Yet even a momentary connection, like the one Steele experienced, can fuel the emotional recovery we need to push through.   

It’s reassuring to know there’s no need to put on a façade of strength while struggling or feeling overwhelmed.  Resilience is not a solo endeavour. Acknowledge what you’re going through, and become more resilient in the moment by drawing on relationships that provide the support you need.   

About the Author: Susan Knight| SGP Featured Writer | Contact the author: http://skfreelance.com

Susan is certified health and wellness coach with a focus on personal growth and inner wellness. She was a regular contributor to Social Work Today Magazine and is a featured Health &WellnessColumnist for SGP.