Getting Older: Changes and Challenges
By Susan Knight | Exploring the changes and challenges we face as we get older, and what it takes to get through them.
Written by Susan Knight | Seeking Veritas Columnist | Sankarsingh-Gonsalves Productions
“And the seasons, they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return, we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game”
–The Circle Game, Joni Mitchell
As we get older, we find ourselves dealing with all manner of change, loss, upheaval, and uncertainty. It may be a natural part of the life journey, but that doesn’t mean it’s always an easy process to go through.
Friendship Changes
Friendship changes are inevitable as you get older, for a variety of reasons. At some point, you’ll find yourself attending the funeral of a friend who has passed away due to illness or old age. Depending on the make-up of your social circle, you might find yourself attending many such funerals, perhaps in rapid succession. Even if you lived miles apart and didn’t see or speak to each other often, the death of a friend with whom you shared a close connection still leaves a void. If it’s a friend whom you spoke with or spent time with regularly, that adds another layer to contend with as you adjust to the impact of the loss.
Then there are the changes that occur when our friends are still here with us, but focused on different priorities. Consider the individual who, with more time available post-retirement, is looking forward to finally being able to spend more quality time with friends, only to discover those friends don’t have the same time availability or interest. It may be that financial difficulties have forced someone to delay retirement and remain employed longer than expected, leaving them with limited time and energy for socializing. Someone else might be at a stage where their life revolves around their family, be it caregiving for a loved one, looking after grandchildren, or focusing on other extended family members, resulting in less time and interest in connecting with friends. Even though these scenarios are perfectly understandable and it isn’t a personal rejection, the lack of interest still hurts, and the lack of availability is still disappointing.
Health Changes
The friendship/social arena is impacted in other ways, such as when health issues enter the mix. Losing one’s driver’s licence due to health or vision issues, for example, can be a major blow when someone’s lifestyle and overall routine is heavily car dependent. If you're accustomed to hopping in your car on the spur of the moment to head to a destination an hour away, it's a big shift to find the trip takes significantly longer by public transit and requires careful planning to make all the necessary connections. There are additional implications if you typically drive others around and you’re no longer able to fulfill this role, compounding the sense of loss.
Health issues of any kind can dampen your enthusiasm for getting out and doing things. A bad knee that limits your mobility might prevent you from engaging in physical activity the way you used to, causing you to miss out on the related camaraderie you once enjoyed. When hearing loss makes conversations in social settings difficult, you might find yourself avoiding such gatherings, only to be left feeling increasingly disconnected as a result.
While these challenges are very real, and their impact can’t be denied, that doesn’t mean the picture is all doom and gloom — far from it. By openly acknowledging the challenges you’re experiencing and all the changes taking place, you position yourself to start exploring ways to effectively navigate this new terrain. This is the time when all the experience you’ve accumulated over the years, and all the problem-solving skills you’ve acquired over the course of your life, serve as a valuable asset to draw on.
Talking Things Out Eases the Burden
For any challenge you’re facing as you age, it almost always helps to get things out in the open by talking to someone. Putting whatever you’re experiencing into words might be difficult and painful in the moment, but it often leads to a change in perspective. A changed perspective doesn’t mean a big issue is no longer big, or that a serious issue is no longer serious. It does, however, mean that instead of feeling entirely crushed under the weight of the issue you’re dealing with, you find yourself feeling a little less burdened; and that bit of relief makes a huge difference. If you feel like you’re drowning and being overtaken by whatever you’re going through, talking to someone and getting things off your chest might be just what’s needed to get your head above water so you can finally breathe again. Whereas the obstacles you’re facing may have seemed insurmountable before, you now feel more hopeful and optimistic about finding a way over, around, or through them.
With that said, it’s important to be judicious when choosing someone to talk to when you know you’re in need of support and encouragement. Though well-intentioned, not everyone is capable of providing a sensitive or understanding response when presented with a situation or set of circumstances they haven’t personally dealt with. The last thing you need is to open up when you’re struggling and feeling overwhelmed, only to have your experience diminished or dismissed.
It’s also important to recognize those occasions when aside from support and encouragement, you need practical solutions, information about available resources, or a push that helps you take that all-important first step when action is required.
A Rich, Rewarding, and Meaningful Time
Each one of us will have our own unique experience getting older, based on a host of variables both within and outside our control. For most of us, that experience will undoubtedly include some tears, some trials, and some turbulence along the way. Dealing with all the changes and challenges requires a generous measure of adaptability, a dash of creativity, and a willingness to make a few concessions here and there.
This stage of your life could wind up unfolding very differently to how you envisioned it, due to unexpected events, losses, and setbacks that disrupt your plans. That doesn’t mean older adulthood can’t be a rich, rewarding, and meaningful time, but it does mean you might need to adjust your expectations; and don’t be surprised if you pass through a few rough patches along the way, as your identity is shaped and reshaped as a result of all the changes.
Note: this was inspired by “The Depression of Getting Old” by writer and poet Brian Sankarsingh. In that article, he describes how depression can set in and gain a foothold as we get older, and he offers practical advice for interrupting this dangerous downward spiral.
About the author: Susan Knight | SGP Featured Writer | Contact the author: @ http://skfreelance.com
Susan is a writer, certified health and wellness coach, and author of Living Well: Self-Discovery, Connection and Growth
