The Depression of Getting Old

Brian Sankarsingh thinks about getting old

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

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Getting older can feel like a slow unraveling of one’s body and mind. Your body doesn’t work the way it used to. Your mind not as sharp as it used to be. You watch helplessly as friends and loved ones pass away – each loss leaving you a little lonelier. Your role in society starts to shrink. You may feel invisible. Or even irrelevant. Maybe you’re retired – or about to retire - and losing the structure that gave your life meaning. Maybe you're alone more than you'd like to be. The emotions you’re feeling may not be just sadness. It can be depression. You might not even notice it at first. You stop caring about things. You sleep too much or not at all. Food tastes bland. You find yourself snapping at people. Or withdrawing completely. You feel tired — not just physically, but emotionally. You might feel like life is mostly behind you now – you have less days ahead than behind you. You might even feel like there’s nothing ahead to look forward to. And that’s a dangerous mindset. Many older adults may dismiss these feelings. They chalk it up to “just getting old.” But that’s a mistake. Depression isn’t a normal part of aging. It’s a condition that deserves your attention.

There are reasons this happens to so many people. Some of them are physical. Some emotional. Some practical. The onset of chronic pain, illness, or mobility issues make daily life harder and more isolated. Chronic pain has a way of taking your mind off everything else. You are so constantly focused on managing the pain you forgot to manage your life.

You might also experience an empty nest where your kids may be moving away. You may not see people regularly anymore. That can quickly lead to isolation. If, like me, work defined you for years, retirement could leave you feeling like a shadow of yourself. There may also be a fear that the future is uncertain. Your memory might slip. Your body might fail you. That kind of fear lingers under everything that you do, say or experience. These are real and valid struggles.

Unfortunately, there is no magic fix. But there are things you can do that can make a real difference. Even if you don’t feel motivated. Even if it feels pointless. Start small. Stay consistent. Emotionally, first you must stop pretending everything’s fine if it’s not. Give yourself permission to say, “This is hard.” Denial keeps you stuck. Naming what you’re feeling is a kind of power. It opens the door to change. Not everyone needs a therapist, but almost everyone needs someone to talk to. A friend, a doctor, a counselor, a support group — someone. Don’t let pride or shame stop you. You don’t have to “tough it out alone.” That kind of thinking causes more harm than good. If therapy feels like too much, even regular phone calls with someone you trust can help break the cycle of isolation.

Physically you need to remember that exercise is a pleasure inducing activity. You don’t need to join a gym. But you do need to move. Walk around the block. Stretch in your living room. Dance to music for five minutes. Movement shifts your body and your mood. It improves sleep. It reduces anxiety. It helps you feel more in control. Try to do something every day. Even a little bit matters.

Also, remember that natural light has a real impact on mood. Open the curtains. Sit by a window. Spend time outside if you can. Especially in the morning. Sunlight helps regulate your body’s internal clock and boosts your energy. We are beings of the cosmos, and those rays of sunlight can energize you and ground you at the same time.

When every day looks the same, life starts to blur. Depression loves that. Structure gives you a reason to get up and something to look forward to. You don’t need a packed schedule. Just some anchors. Wake up at the same time. Make breakfast. Take a walk. Watch a show. Call a friend. Read. Do the same general things at the same time each day. It creates rhythm and stability. You may not want big ambitions. That’s okay. But your brain still needs a sense of purpose. So, give yourself small goals. Clean one drawer. Write one paragraph. Learn a new song. Anything that gives your day shape. The goal isn’t productivity. It’s meaning.

If you’re constantly watching news that makes you anxious or sad, it will weigh on you. Same with social media or TV shows that feed negativity. Be selective about what you let into your space. Choose things that make you feel curious, calm, or even slightly amused. This doesn’t mean avoiding reality. It means not letting it drown you. You don’t need a perfect diet. But skipping meals or living off sugar and salt won’t help your mood. Try to eat real food at regular times. Same goes for sleep. Going to bed and waking up around the same time every day helps your brain stay balanced. Don’t stay in bed all day. And if sleep isn’t coming, don’t ignore it — speak to your doctor.

You don’t need a big social life. But you do need people. That could be a book club, a volunteer group, a community center, or even a regular phone call with someone far away. If you're spiritual, your faith community can be a source of strength. If not, any group with shared values can provide that sense of belonging. You might not want to burden others. But needing help doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. Let people show up for you. Let your doctor know what’s going on. Ask your family for time, not just tasks. Say yes when people offer to visit. Millions of people feel like you do. Depression in older adults is common, but that doesn’t mean it should be ignored. The world changes fast. The losses stack up. Your body shifts in ways you never expected. But there are still moments worth living for. You don’t have to feel happy all the time. That’s not the goal. The goal is to feel something other than “stuck.” The goal is to get through the day without dread. To have moments of peace. Of connection. Of interest. Those moments are possible. Start where you are. Pick one thing from this list. Do it today. Do it again tomorrow. You don’t need to fix your whole life. Just interrupt the spiral. Getting old is hard. But you’re still here. And that means there’s still something left for you in this world. Find out what it is and do it.

Bio: BRIAN SANKARSINGH is a two-time award-winning poet and author. He is a Trinidadian-born Canadian immigrant who has published several books of poetry and prose on a wide range of social and historical themes including racism, colonialism, and enslavement. Sankarsingh artfully blends prose and poetry into his storytelling creating an eclectic mix with both genres. This unique approach is sure to provide something for everyone.

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