Why It’s Hard for an Introvert to Tell You What’s New in Their Life
By Susan Knight | Introverts have a rich inner world with a lot going on, but communicating about that world isn’t always easy.
Written by Susan Knight | Seeking Veritas Columnist | Sankarsingh-Gonsalves Productions
We’re all familiar with those routine questions we regularly exchange, such as “What’s going on in your life?” or “What’s new with you?” Though usually well-intentioned, these questions present a challenge when the daily goings-on in your life don’t conform to societal (often media-influenced) standards for what a fulfilling life should look like, such as when you’re going through, or recovering from, a difficult period. Or when you’re working through a time of transition and don’t have a lot going on because you’re still trying to get your bearings and figure out what you want to do.
The challenge of responding to these routine questions is compounded for the introvert. Aside from whatever may be transpiring externally in the introvert’s life, their inner world is almost always bustling with activity, often of a rich, meaningful nature. Communicating about that inner world activity, however, and fully conveying its meaning, isn’t always easy.
What’s new for the introvert? Quite likely something along the lines of:
Revisiting a past event and seeing it from an entirely different angle.
Finding fresh humour or irony in something that happened months ago.
Recognizing the intricate chain of events leading to a particular outcome.
Noticing interesting characteristics and patterns revealed over time.
All that revisiting, finding, recognizing, and noticing makes for an incredibly rich experience filled with discoveries and revelations about oneself, others, and the world. Pieces come together in new and interesting ways; situations that appeared one way for the longest time, now appear entirely different. But how to capture all of that and articulate it to someone else? As the words reach the listener’s ear, the message being expressed often winds up being emptied of its meaning or missed altogether.
At the same time, the introvert may have very little to say about their external world in terms of what’s going on and what they’ve been doing. And on those occasions when they do share about their external world, there’s a good chance whatever they share about is closely and deeply connected to their inner world in some way. That last point is by no means a minor one. Activities, events, or experiences which appear trivial or irrelevant might actually be hugely important and extremely relevant from the introvert’s perspective. Consider the following scenario.
I’ve long been a fan of the late writer Shel Silverstein. His writing has made me laugh. It has made me angry. It has made me cry. I’m inclined to think he showed up in the world in a way that was uninhibited, unapologetic, and honest because that’s how his writing, even in his children’s books, consistently comes across. Similar to how a young child will innocently express profound truths with a limited vocabulary, Silverstein used deceptively simple language, coupled with simple yet intensely emotive line drawings, to convey penetrating truths, sharp as a double-edged sword.
I’m currently reading Silverstein’s book Lafcadio, the Lion Who Shot Back. In it, we make the acquaintance of a fabulous lion named Lafcadio. Of course, that wasn’t his original name, because as Silverstein explains, lions don’t have names like Joe or Ernie; they have standard lion names like Ruggrrg or Grmmff or Grrrrr. From his humble but happy beginnings living in the jungle with other lions, to his circus fame and the wealthy lifestyle that follows, we witness Lafcadio’s transformation. He travels the world, signs autographs, and gets invited to parties. We’re told he dances in nightclubs with the most beautiful, beautiful girls. He learns to play golf and tennis, wears expensive suits, and vacations in Cannes. He seems to have it all, but he no longer does all the things lions normally do. He hides his tail and rarely roars his natural lion roar anymore. How long will Lafcadio’s life continue on this trajectory? All the fawning and adulation he’s surrounded by won’t continue indefinitely. In seeming to have it all, what has he lost? How happy can a lion be when he feels compelled to hide his tail and suppress his natural roar in order to fit in?
“What’s new?” My answer begins with, “I’ve been reading a very good book.” Seven words that tell everything, yet tell next to nothing. Seven words that accurately speak to my outer world, without conveying what’s taking place within my inner world. Seven words that fail to express how eager I am to discover where Lafcadio’s adventure is going to take him, and what it’s going to do to him in the process. Seven words that fail to express how excited and grateful I am to connect with the mind of the great Shel Silverstein, and how I can’t help but wonder who the man behind the writing really was. Seven words that fail to express the joy that comes from reading the story out loud, as I surprise myself with the sound effects coming from my vocal cords while hearing my voice breathe fresh life into a decades-old story with every word spoken.
When I’m finished reading, I’ll continue to reflect on who Shel Silverstein must have been to have written that book. I’ll reflect on how this children’s story conveys realities of the world with depth and precision, simultaneously overt and subtle, with multiple layers to be peeled back and examined should the reader desire to do so. I’ll also reflect on my own experiences, and how the push and pull between different worlds has played out in my own life.
What’s new with the introvert? Likely a lot. But with so much of it taking place within their inner world, they might have a hard time telling you about it.
About the author: Susan Knight | SGP Featured Writer | Contact the author: @ http://skfreelance.com
Susan is certified health and wellness coach with a focus on personal growth and inner wellness. She was a regular contributor to Social Work Today Magazine and is a featured Health & Wellness Columnist for SGP.
