What I Really Want to Say Is…
By Susan Knight | How a simple writing technique can help everyone, writers and non-writers alike, get tuned in to their inner state.
Written by Susan Knight | Seeking Veritas Columnist | Sankarsingh-Gonsalves Productions
In her book Wild Mind: Living the Writer’s Life, author Natalie Goldberg describes a writing technique which, in her words, “allows you to drop to a deeper level… It’s a device to help you connect with what is going on inside.” The exercise is extremely useful for writers, there’s no doubt about that. But it is equally valuable for anyone who is struggling to identify exactly what they’re experiencing at any given moment. Engaging in this exercise truly does create a shift, enabling you to reach beneath the surface so you can connect with your thoughts and emotions in a clear and genuine way.
Let’s start by taking a look at the technique in the context of writing, which is how it was designed to be used. Every creative writer has dealt with some form of writer’s block at one time or another, where they felt stuck, blank, or otherwise unable to produce interesting content filled with colour, vibrancy, and meaning. It’s a frustrating place to be in; much as the desire to write something with real substance is there, the content flowing out seems superficial, unoriginal, or empty.
Consider this example from Goldberg when trapped by such writing: “I got up and meditated this morning and then I ran. I came to the Galisteo Newsstand and had a grapefruit sparkler, then I—” This may be a factually accurate account of what transpired, but something is missing. We’re neither entertained nor enlightened in a meaningful way, and her detached delivery of the facts does little to prompt us to reflect on ourselves and our own lives.
Goldberg advises that when you recognize you’ve been writing words but failing to express your true self with as much genuineness as you would like, stop mid sentence, terminate the sentence with a dash, and then write, “What I really want to say is…” This simple act shifts your thinking and guides you to reach deeper, which in turn shifts your writing. Look at the change in Goldberg’s writing after applying the technique:
“—what I really want to say is I had a miserable dream last night. Something about Nazis and I can’t remember it. Before I went to sleep, I stuck my bubble gum on the nightstand and I don’t know how many more nights I can go without making love. It was a blue Sunday and I pretended I was happy watering my vegetable garden. I’m not happy. I’m lonely. Loneliness is a dog that has followed me for years. It’s a black dog and I have no peace.”
Wow, what a difference! Gone is the woman who was giving us a guarded view characterized by limited, superficial facts. We now see someone who has broken through and connected with what is really going on within herself, and her writing is revitalized as a result. Whereas her initial writing felt detached and empty, her subsequent writing embodies depth, authenticity, and substance. We cannot help but be moved or touched in some way by the truth, humanity, and rawness of what she has expressed. It’s almost a certainty that everyone will be able to identify with something Goldberg has shared, if not many things. Her willingness to expose herself to such a degree, to lay herself bare and make herself vulnerable, grabs us and pulls us in. We’re no longer being provided with mere facts about her life; we’re getting to know the actual person living that life, leading to a powerful sense of intimacy and connection.
As stated at the outset, this technique isn’t just for writers; it has wider use that everyone can benefit from. The breakthrough it enables for recognizing your true inner state is extremely valuable, especially during those times when you know something is off but you’re having difficulty pinpointing exactly what’s going on and what you’re feeling. Even without pen and paper, the process for applying the technique is fundamentally the same.
When you find yourself stuck in a state where you feel agitated, upset, out of balance, or vaguely unsettled, but you’re unable to pinpoint with precision exactly what is going on, it’s easy to get stuck in an unproductive loop. Thoughts and feelings get tangled up into a messy ball of confusion that you can’t find your way out of. Instead of spiraling further into that tangled mess, interrupt the process with the statement, “What I really want to say is…” Whether you utter the statement silently or out loud (the latter can be surprisingly helpful), the key is to immediately follow the statement with a truthful response, just as in Goldberg’s writing example. In that moment, you’ve given yourself both the instruction and the permission to reach inside, access whatever is really going on, and express yourself truthfully.
With surprising clarity, you can now see what the fog and confusion was hiding:
I am so worried about…
I am absolutely livid at how…
I feel disappointed with…
I am sick and tired of…
I can’t stand the way…
I really wish I hadn't...
I hate myself for...
We all have an idealized image of how we see (or would like to see) ourselves, and how we would like to be seen by others. Acknowledging our true feelings and the state we’re in, when it falls short of the idealized vision we aspire to, causes many of us to feel ashamed, inadequate, or deficient in some way. Hence why our natural inclination is often to stuff the feelings down, cover them up, minimize them, deny them, or focus our attention elsewhere. But these seemingly undesirable states have their place within the fabric of the human experience. They serve an important purpose by alerting us that something in the picture, be it within our life or within ourself, needs to be dealt with. Acknowledging the reality of what’s going on is a critical first step for dealing with things in a constructive way.
Of course, we know both anecdotally and from research that the act of writing is a great tool for exploring and examining our inner state. Even if you’re not a writer, it doesn’t hurt (it may be extremely helpful, actually) to implement this technique in writing, such as through journaling. If you feel like you’re drowning in a fog of confusion, or you find yourself stuck in a circular thought loop you can’t seem to break out of, the physical act of writing that dash, and then seeing it on the page as it terminates a sentence/thought mid-stream, may be just what you need to break through, drop to a deeper level, and connect with whatever you have going on inside you.
About the author: Susan Knight | SGP Featured Writer | Contact the author: @ http://skfreelance.com
Susan is certified health and wellness coach with a focus on personal growth and inner wellness. She was a regular contributor to Social Work Today Magazine and is a featured Health & Wellness Columnist for SGP.
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