We Need More Porch Time
By Susan Knight | As the years go by, simple moments shared create special bonds that lead to lasting memories.
Written by Susan Knight | Seeking Veritas Columnist | Sankarsingh-Gonsalves Productions
What is porch time? Exactly what it sounds like: passing the time sitting out on the porch, doing nothing other than taking in the moment. A glass of lemonade in hand seems fitting but isn’t required. Of course, it doesn’t have to be a traditional front porch. Any space will do, indoors or out; it’s the “passing the time” and “doing nothing other than taking in the moment” that makes porch time special.
There’s a gentleman who lives around the corner from me, and he clearly understands porch time. If I head out for an evening walk during the summer, I can count on finding him sitting out on his driveway. We’ll engage in a bit of small talk, and if I’m lucky, he’ll get up and join me on my walk for a few minutes before returning to his comfortable seat on the driveway.
My late friend Mary also understood porch time; she excelled at it. In her case, it was neither a traditional house porch nor a driveway, but her apartment balcony with its wonderful west-facing view. Whenever I would go over to her place for dinner and the weather was warm, the visit would start with time spent on her balcony. Simply sitting out, enjoying the sunshine and enjoying one another’s company.
As the conversation flowed from one subject to another, there would be pauses — satisfying pauses with no need to fill the space with words. Just sitting in silence, alone with our own individual private thoughts, yet together as we sat just inches away from one another. You can’t really capture that kind of synchronous pause in writing, can you? It doesn’t work so well when communicating by phone, either. Sure, you can have a momentary pause over the phone, and it’s great when the comfort level is there to allow for those pauses. But a lingering pause almost always gets followed with, “Are you still there?” Which is totally understandable given most people are using cell phones, and there’s no way to tell whether that extended silence is a relaxed pause or a dropped call.
In person, the great thing about those pauses is how they so often steer the conversation in an unexpected and interesting direction. A pause, followed by, “Have you ever thought about…” Or a pause, followed by, “You know what just popped into my head?” How about this one: a pause, followed by, “You don’t have to answer if this is too personal, but…” More often than not, the person appreciates the personal question asked and happily chooses to answer it. After all, it’s refreshing to have someone show genuine interest in a segment of one’s life that actually matters.
A beautiful element of porch time is that there’s no pressure or standard to measure up to in terms of wealth, job status, house size, or any other social status metric. Unlike so many other areas in life, one of the distinguishing features of porch time is that there’s no such measuring tape present, so to speak. It’s all about showing up, being yourself, and taking an interest in the person you’re with, allowing them to be themselves as well.
At a time when so many people are struggling with loneliness, we would benefit greatly from having more porch time in our lives and relationships. Moments where we’re not rushing to get somewhere or distracted by something we need to get done. Moments where we’re neither trying to sound impressive nor trying to prove our worth based on what we have or how much we’ve accomplished. Moments where we can just relax with our thoughts while simultaneously enjoying the company of whomever may be present with us, be it a good friend or a neighbour around the corner. As the years go by, those simple moments shared create bonds between people that lead to lasting memories.
I recently attended the funeral of a former colleague, also named Mary. She was a strikingly beautiful woman, and this was acknowledged at her funeral. She was highly accomplished in many ways, having achieved multiple awards for her creative fashion design work here and abroad, and this was acknowledged at her funeral. But the thing that stood out far more, which was mentioned the most and appreciated by many, was how her home was always open to everyone. Through the time spent during those encounters, the meals shared, and the conversations that ensued, Mary served as a friend, mentor, Auntie, othermother — whatever someone needed in the moment. I think back to my own friendship with her and my time spent in her home, so easy and relaxed, unrushed, filled with those wonderful pauses. Special memories of someone who had mastered the art of porch time.
About the author: Susan Knight | SGP Featured Writer | Contact the author: @ http://skfreelance.com
Susan is certified health and wellness coach with a focus on personal growth and inner wellness. She was a regular contributor to Social Work Today Magazine and is a featured Health & Wellness Columnist for SGP.
