We All Need Connection
By Susan Knight | What the life of a former hermit reveals about our need for meaningful connection with others.
Written by Susan Knight | Seeking Veritas Columnist | Sankarsingh-Gonsalves Productions.
You know those people who never grow tired of being out and about socializing? I’m definitely not one of those people. There’s a limit to how much time I can comfortably spend with others, and if all that people contact isn’t balanced out by plenty of time spent alone, I feel out of sorts. With that said, I’m very aware that I do need and want a certain amount of human contact. Deep, meaningful connections with others contribute to my awareness and understanding of who I am, while also making me feel more connected to the rest of the world, and I value this immensely.
In short, I need to connect with others in order to experience myself and my own existence to the fullest extent possible. This is just one of many reasons why the story of Christopher Thomas Knight and his decision to go decades without human contact fascinates me so much.
Living Alone in the Woods for Three Decades
Knight’s story is captured in the book “The Stranger in the Woods: The Extraordinary Story of the Last True Hermit” written by journalist Michael Finkel. Knight spent an astonishing 27 years living by himself out in the woods in Maine, US. During that time, he had no human contact whatsoever, save for one occasion where he encountered a hiker while out walking. Knight said “Hi” to the hiker and nothing more. Other than that one brief moment where one word was spoken, he had no direct contact or communication with another person.
Finkel’s book provides a detailed account of how Knight managed to take care of himself all those years, such as how he secured an adequate supply of food, acquired suitable clothing, and protected himself from the elements. This practical aspect of his survival is certainly fascinating, given the level of skill, resourcefulness, and ingenuity required to survive in the region for even just a few days, let alone close to three decades. But what I also find intriguing is how Knight’s inner state remained healthy and sound during such a long time spent alone.
Consider going day after day, month after month, year after year, and not having a single conversation with another human being. No opportunity to look into someone else’s eyes and read their facial expression. Not a hug or a handshake; not even the brief contact that takes place when a receipt passes from one hand to another at the store checkout. No exchange of thoughts with another person. No shared laughter. No shared anything. And Knight was completely content, wanting nothing more than to continue living like that in total isolation. In all probability, he likely would have continued living like that for many more years, perhaps decades, had he not been caught stealing food from a nearby campground and arrested.
A Friendship Develops
Equally fascinating to me is the friendship that developed between Finkel and Knight while the latter was incarcerated as a result of his theft. A bit of a loner himself and a lover of the outdoors, Finkel could appreciate Knight’s quest for solitude in nature. And being an avid reader, Finkel could appreciate Knight’s appetite for books (along with stealing food and clothing, Knight also stole whatever books he could get his hands on.) After learning about Knight in the news, Finkel’s curiosity was piqued and he felt a sense of affinity with this unusual character. Fuelled further by his journalistic instincts, Finkel wrote a letter to Knight.
Knight replied to Finkel’s letter, but with a measure of aloofness. He stated outright that he would only write “innocuous content” since he didn’t know Finkel. In response, Finkel decided to share more about himself so Knight could start getting to know him better. He chose to write about a recent camping trip he took during the summer solstice, and noted how he witnessed the presence of a supermoon during the solstice, an infrequent and therefore notable celestial event.
Meanwhile, in an attempt to improve his rusty verbal skills, Knight had tried — unsuccessfully — to discuss “the pleasing synchronicity of the summer solstice and the supermoon” with his fellow inmates. To his disappointment, no-one was interested and he received nothing but blank stares in return. He was “startled” at how Finkel had, serendipitously, written about this very same topic in his letter, and this served as a turning point in their friendship. Finkel provides details about this turning point in his book, describing how “from this point forward his [Knight’s] writing was no longer innocuous but instead as candid and poignant as a diary entry.”
The Hermit Drops His Guard and Opens Up
What a remarkable shift! Knight spent nearly 30 years living alone in the woods by choice. During that time, he was completely content with his own company and had no desire to converse with anyone else. Yet that single point of connection he shared with Finkel around the summer solstice and supermoon changed everything. That point of connection was sufficient to dramatically alter the dynamic between the two men, with an increased measure of trust and vulnerability on Knight’s part. The hermit who had cut himself off from the rest of the world for nearly three decades was now prepared to drop his guard and open up.
That crucial turning point in the friendship between Finkel and Knight speaks to an innate desire we all have that transcends personality and temperament. Some of us, like myself, need ample time alone. Some lean even further in that direction than I do. Then there are those at the opposite end of the spectrum who prefer company and strongly dislike being alone. Regardless of where we fall along that spectrum, we all have it in our nature to desire contact, communication and connection in some capacity. It’s just a matter of finding individuals we can communicate with and connect with in ways we find genuinely meaningful.
About the author: Susan Knight | SGP Featured Writer | Contact the author: @ http://skfreelance.com
Susan is certified health and wellness coach with a focus on personal growth and inner wellness. She was a regular contributor to Social Work Today Magazine and is a featured Health & Wellness Columnist for SGP.
This article resonated deeply with me; as an introvert I am drained by too much fellow human encounters. I prefer the company of a few friends and even then need a break of solitude.
I think that the hardest thing for me was only understanding that about myself later in life. That was why I was so struck by the statement “In short, I need to connect with others in order to experience myself and my own existence to the fullest extent possible.” Absolutely brilliant!!! And a precise description of what it often feels like.
Thank you for sharing!!