This scene is a masterclass in using a physical object, in this case the pine tree, to measure the weight of lost time. By contrasting the tree’s memory as a sapling that boys could jump over with its current state as a towering presence, you give the reader a visceral sense of those 27 missing years without needing to list every event that happened in between. The parallel pauses at the beginning and end of her journey create a beautiful symmetry, showing how the courage to leave has transformed into the courage to return. The writing is lean and purposeful, focusing on the internal tension. This makes the reader feel the exact moment her hesitation turns into action. It’s a quiet, cinematic opening that leaves us leaning in, desperate to know who is on the other side of that door.
Thank you Brian, this detailed feedback is extremely meaningful. I appreciate you taking the time to describe how various aspects of the piece came across and the resulting impact.
This scene is a masterclass in using a physical object, in this case the pine tree, to measure the weight of lost time. By contrasting the tree’s memory as a sapling that boys could jump over with its current state as a towering presence, you give the reader a visceral sense of those 27 missing years without needing to list every event that happened in between. The parallel pauses at the beginning and end of her journey create a beautiful symmetry, showing how the courage to leave has transformed into the courage to return. The writing is lean and purposeful, focusing on the internal tension. This makes the reader feel the exact moment her hesitation turns into action. It’s a quiet, cinematic opening that leaves us leaning in, desperate to know who is on the other side of that door.
Thank you Brian, this detailed feedback is extremely meaningful. I appreciate you taking the time to describe how various aspects of the piece came across and the resulting impact.