Socializing vs. Connecting
By Susan Knight | Exploring the difference between socializing and connecting, and how this relates to our well-being.
Written by Susan Knight | Seeking Veritas Columnist | Sankarsingh-Gonsalves Productions
A friend of mine lived in Canada for a few years before moving back to England where he was from. We became friends while he was in Canada, and stayed in touch following his departure. Needless to say, living thousands of miles apart means we’re unable to socialize in the traditional sense of the word. Social activities have not been part of our friendship for decades, yet the friendship has lasted all that time. First through phone calls and letters, then emails, and most recently video calls, we’ve maintained a deep, meaningful connection; and I look forward to that connection remaining intact for many more years.
Socializing and connecting: distinct but intertwined.
Thinking about this friendship brought to mind the difference between socializing with people and connecting with people. The two are obviously closely intertwined. Socializing typically serves as a prerequisite for connecting, and each tends to feed the other. For some people, there’s barely any difference between the two experiences; they would say socializing makes them feel connected to others in a meaningful and satisfying way.
For others like myself, the distinction between the two experiences is significant. Socializing often drains me, whereas connecting with people in a meaningful way has the opposite effect; it leaves me feeling nourished and refreshed. In an unfamiliar space requiring an expenditure of mental energy to identify unspoken customs and conventions, a few minutes of socializing can be taxing for me. In contrast, when I’m in the mode of connecting with someone, hours will pass by seemingly in the blink of an eye.
Beyond merely being in close proximity to others, we want to be seen and heard by them.
Regardless of individual leanings and preferences, genuine connection (whether or not it takes place alongside socializing) is important. We all need connection of some sort, to some extent. Beyond merely being in close physical proximity to other people, we want to get to know them, and we want them to get to know us. We want to be seen, heard, and understood. We want the freedom to be ourselves and the opportunity to reveal who we truly are; and we want to be accepted for who we are. We want to know that our thoughts, feelings, experiences, and concerns matter.
This kind of connection achieves far more than just making us feel good in a superficial way; it’s essential for optimal mental and emotional health. It’s true that external validation can’t compensate for poor self-esteem or an inherent lack of self-worth. However, there’s no denying that a supportive, validating environment brings out the best in us and helps us thrive. That is, an environment characterized by supportive, validating relationships and meaningful connections that offer safety, security, acceptance, and a sense that we’re truly cared for.
A pressure release valve as we go about our lives.
By affording us the freedom to express ourselves openly and honestly, a genuine sense of connectedness essentially serves as a pressure release valve as we go about our lives, so we’re better equipped to manage life’s daily ups and downs. If left to simmer in the recesses of our mind with no outlet, it doesn’t take long before issues start to appear bigger and more complicated than they really are, especially when we’re stuck on a problem we don’t know how to solve.
On the other hand, when we have the freedom and security to share challenges, fears, doubts, and insecurities, the act of articulating these thoughts and feelings brings them out of the shadows and into the light. As we get things out, we break the cycle of endless worrying and ruminating, and we’re able to reason more calmly, clearly, and objectively.
Without this kind of outlet, even routine issues can become overwhelming over time. As the issues pile up, we find ourselves increasingly stressed, caught up in a perpetual state of anxiety that has the potential to permeate all areas of our life. But someone else’s words, even just their presence, can help us put things into perspective. From there, we can start to find our bearings and regain our confidence. This kind of connectedness, embodying trust and security, reflects a very different dynamic from the kind of socializing where we feel the need to be “on” in order to present the right image, regardless of where we’re really at or what our true state of mind is.
Dropping our guard and exposing our true self.
This isn’t to say socializing doesn’t have its place or offer value. Socializing can provide a welcome distraction from whatever else we have going on in our lives, which may be exactly what we need. It can serve as an opportunity to celebrate with others; or to commiserate with others. It can provide room for conversations, camaraderie, and a carefree escape. As previously mentioned, socializing is precisely what makes some people feel connected to others.
But as we deal with day-to-day hits that rattle our confidence, or unexpected losses that turn our world upside down, or the kind of major life events that make us feel as if we’re trapped in a waking nightmare, we inevitably reach a point where we find ourselves longing for a special kind of connection. These are the moments when rather than putting on our best face to socialize, what we really desire is the freedom to drop our guard completely, so we can connect in way that allows us to safely expose our truest, deepest self.
About the author: Susan Knight | SGP Featured Writer | Contact the author: @ http://skfreelance.com
Susan is certified health and wellness coach with a focus on personal growth and inner wellness. She was a regular contributor to Social Work Today Magazine and is a featured Health & Wellness Columnist for SGP.
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