Perceptions of Reality
By Susan Knight | A look at the implications when perceptions of reality get skewed.
Written by Susan Knight | Seeking Veritas Columnist | Sankarsingh-Gonsalves Productions
I’ve been watching a close friend of mine enter a new chapter in his life, as he takes on a caregiver role for his mother who has dementia. As I reflect on how he describes what it’s like to deal with his mother from day to day, I can’t help but think about the parallels to other life circumstances, and how it all relates to the broader theme of perceptions of reality.
Many of the situations my friend encounters with his mother sound quite amusing. He’s quick to make clear, however, that it becomes much easier to find the humour in things after the fact. In the actual moment when things are unfolding, it can be quite frustrating. For example, his mother has developed a habit of hiding things around the house. Recently, her grandson arranged to have some packages delivered to the house, with the intention of picking them up a few days later. When the packages arrived, my friend’s mother opened all the boxes and proceeded to hide all the items in the backyard storage shed — and then had no recollection of doing so afterwards. Upon arriving home and seeing the empty boxes, my friend had the task of figuring out what had happened, and then searching to find all the items.
Ultimately, my friend has come to realize that for his mother, the only thing that matters is the current moment. She’ll have a blast when he brings her along to an afternoon barbecue with friends, and no-one will be able to detect that anything is amiss. But don’t expect her to remember the event the following day. My friend's primary objective is to do what he can to keep his mother happy and content in the moment, since that’s the only reality she’s aware of. (Sidenote: as with many people dealing with various forms of dementia, her long-term memory is still intact. She can recall events from 50 years ago, but it's as if the conversation she had five minutes ago never happened.)
Shifting to a totally different set of circumstances, I reflect on my experience dealing with someone in the midst of a sudden psychotic breakdown episode. As I watched this individual go from perfectly fine to completely losing touch with reality in a matter of seconds, it was shocking and frightening. As the episode progressed and intensified, it was as if this person had entered some sort of zombie state. Even though the individual was there with me physically, they were very much not there with me in terms of presence of mind. It soon became clear they had absolutely no awareness of where they were, what they were doing, or who I was. When that realization registered for me, the next thought to register was that just about anything was possible in that moment, given their apparent detachment from reality. At that point, I instinctively felt compelled to remove myself from the scene as quickly as possible.
Coming out on the other side of this episode, this individual knew something had happened, but had absolutely no recollection of the details of what had transpired. They then had to deal with the enormous discomfort of being unable to account for a few hours of time that essentially seemed to be erased from their reality.
The situations I described are obviously quite different. On the surface, they may seem entirely unrelated. For me, however, there’s a very significant connection between them: the theme of how we perceive reality.
When all is well, we take our perception of reality for granted. We’re aware of our immediate surroundings. We’re aware of what we’re doing, and we know what’s happening around us. We might not be able to recall exactly what we had for dinner every evening for the past week, but we know with certainty that we did indeed have dinner. For the most part, we’re also in general agreement with other people around us regarding our perceptions of reality. We might disagree on whether or not a particular political figure is competent and suitable for office, but we can all agree on that political figure’s existence. Love or loathe the summer heat, we can all perceive and agree when we’ve had a sweltering, humid day that broke a temperature record.
And so, we take our perception of reality for granted. It’s such an integral part of how we interface with the world and how we engage with others, yet we rarely have reason to stop and ponder on how precarious our grip on reality really is. That is, until we witness someone close to us suddenly experiencing an altered relationship with reality, perhaps dramatically so. It’s incredibly jarring and unsettling (and potentially frightening) to witness this, precisely because of the way in which a solid perception of reality — or at least, what we consider to be a solid perception of reality — serves to anchor our identity, our relationships with others, and ultimately our entire existence.
About the author: Susan Knight | SGP Featured Writer | Contact the author: @ http://skfreelance.com
Susan is certified health and wellness coach with a focus on personal growth and inner wellness. She was a regular contributor to Social Work Today Magazine and is a featured Health & Wellness Columnist for SGP.
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Wow. Reading this article opened a floodgate of memories. My family cared for my mother at home during her dementia. The doctor told us that dementia patients do better living in a familiar environment, even as their disease progresses. They're happier, less agitated, and better able to maintain their quality of life in a place they know. It was very difficult. There were days she would be catatonic, wake up the next morning and be perfectly all right. There were days where she referred to me as "the bald headed man!" Ouch. That stung. Not that I was bald headed, but at that point I was just "a man" to her. For context I was a only child.
Coming to terms with my mother's dementia and knowing that even though at times I was just a man in her perception of reality was not easy. But I realized it was necessary if I were to keep my own sanity.
Excellent read. Thank you for sharing.