My neighbour is a narcissist...what now?

Brian Sankarsingh writes about bad neighbours

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

It was an unseasonally warm day, when Helen saw the moving truck pull up next door. A sad downturn on the corners of the mouth betrayed the sadness she felt as she looked at the house next to hers. Mr. Robinson, her elderly next door neighbour recently had passed away. She enjoyed living next to him. He was a friendly and even comical soul. For years, she had been the kind of neighbor everyone relied on—always ready to lend a cup of sugar, water a garden, or babysit in a pinch. She prided herself on being the glue of her community. But when Jack Austin moved in, everything began to change.

At first, Helen tried her usual approach: a warm welcome and an offer to help unpack. Jack accepted her cookies with a smile but quickly turned the conversation toward himself. He talked about his impressive job, his expensive car, his fat bank account and his extensive travels. Helen listened politely, though it felt more like a performance than a conversation. Still, she shrugged it off. Everyone likes to make a good impression when they’re new.

Over time however, Jack's behavior became harder to ignore. He parked his car across her driveway without apology, dismissed her friendly suggestions about local services, and often spoke to her in a tone that felt belittling. When Helen brought up her concern about his late-night music, he brushed her off with a comment about how she should "loosen up." It wasn’t just frustrating; it was exhausting. He even started to talk about their shared backyard as "his back yard."

Dealing with someone like Mark requires a shift in mindset. You can’t rely on the usual neighborly goodwill because people with narcissistic tendencies often interpret kindness as weakness or an opportunity to take advantage. The key is setting firm boundaries and managing your expectations.

Helen realized she needed to be clear and direct with Jack. When he parked in front of her driveway again, she calmly knocked on his door and told him it needed to stop. Her tone was neutral but firm. Instead of apologizing, Jack deflected, saying it was "just for a minute." Helen didn’t argue. She repeated her request and left. The next time it happened; she called a tow truck. Consistency made her boundaries unshakable.

It’s tempting to try to reason with someone like Jack - if only for the peace of the neighbourhood - but Helen quickly learned that appealing to his empathy didn’t work. Instead, she kept her interactions brief and focused on facts. When he asked why she didn’t invite him to "her backyard" barbecue, she smiled politely and said, “It’s just a small gathering.” She didn’t overexplain or justify her decisions.

Helen also adjusted how much she let Jack's behavior affect her. Narcissistic individuals often thrive on attention, whether it’s positive or negative. By not reacting emotionally to his provocations, Helen deprived him of the reaction he sought. She reminded herself that his actions said more about him than about her.

She found support in her other neighbours. Without gossiping, she shared her challenges with those she trusted. Together, they created a quiet but unified front, ensuring Jack's behavior didn’t disrupt their community. Helen also gave herself permission to let go of the idea that she had to be friends with everyone. Being a good neighbor didn’t mean tolerating disrespect.

Living next to someone like Jack is not easy, but Helen’s approach worked. By setting clear boundaries, keeping her interactions focused, and refusing to take his behavior personally, she protected her peace and maintained her sense of self. In the end, she learned that sometimes being a good neighbor means knowing when to say no.

Bio: BRIAN SANKARSINGH is a Trinidadian-born Canadian immigrant who has published several books of poetry on a wide range of social and historical themes including racism, colonialism, and enslavement. Sankarsingh artfully blends prose and poetry into his storytelling creating an eclectic mix with both genres. This unique approach is sure to provide something for everyone.

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