In My Head
From our creative partner in Gurugram, Haryana just outside of Delhi in India
This amazing poem is published with permission and is taken from Dr. Shruti Shankar Gaur’s book Four Decades The Prose of My Life.
As far as I can remember, I have always lived in my head. It had been a safe and favourite shed. I have had the ability to cut everything around, Live with myself, merry with my own sound. At times, people around me had to jerk me, Wake me and shake me, To bring me back to the ground. Am I the only surviving ‘Inception?’ Or is everyone born like that? Time and again, the questions stared back. Am I selfish? Am I self-obsessed? Is it good or bad to be emotionally self-sufficient? Is it awesome or awful to connect at wish? Is it a genius trait or am I an eccentric fish? Like a ghost, The questions have bothered me. Like a ghost, The questions have followed me. Thus, sabotaging my spirit, Yet there was something more powerful That would never yield. Still, I would ponder, Can I love another human? I often argued with my friends, How stupidly and easily they would be, In and out of a relationship, Casual and hippie, As if it was a passing tree, But to them, I depicted I was a nerd, proud to be free. ‘Am I capable of loving another human?’ The question lingered on. When I delved deep, The answer knocked me off my feet. ‘I can’t’, was the response, As I looked for the reason, The answer appeared to be a treason. It wasn’t about Love – self or other. It was about Courage. I lacked the nerve- To bare my heart, To bare my soul to another, I was terrified of finding a mole. I was a scared rat, However, I portrayed to be a cat. I held my self in high esteem, Considering my emotions pristine, Thus, I continued living in my head- My safe and favourite shed.
About the Author: Dr. Shruti Shankar Gaur describes herself as a nonplussed mother, a Luna to her Alpha, a passionate entrepreneur, a novice thinker, a hard-core dreamer, a scruffy poet, a true seeker, and an unusual sinner. She bares her soul in her blog: Pain & Bliss - Contact the author: https://linktr.ee/dr.shrutishankargaur
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Shruti, this poem gave me a lot to reflect on in my own life, I've been thinking about it for the past few days.
"Am I capable of loving another human?” As you capture in this poem, I think the people who ask themselves this question are often people who love very deeply, and take loving someone very seriously.