Fear: The Great Deceiver
By Vernon Hiller | Fear is often at the centre of much of what we avoid. Sometimes a few honest questions are all it takes to triumph over its influence
By: Vernon Hiller for Sankarsingh-Gonsalves Productions
I’ve spoken about fear many times before, but today I’d like to take a deeper dive into what it has meant for me personally. Fear and I have always had a love-hate relationship. For decades it has been an unwelcome house guest constantly knocking at my door whenever I began to think about trying something new. Sometimes the fear has hindered me, and other times it has helped. When it made me angry or had just gone on for too long, I could sometimes muster the courage to do battle with it, prove its rationalizing excuses wrong, and take on its challenge. When that happened, my fear actually became my motivator. That said, my fears could also have the opposite affect. Along with creating rational excuses, my fears supported a narrative based on negative self-talk which in turn began building a negative self image. Changing this narrative proved most challenging.
My relentless fear-supported rationalizations won the battle countless times over the years. Once, after completing a Firefighting program I’d taken at Seneca College, an instructor approached me suggesting I would be the perfect fit for a teaching position that had opened up. I didn’t even consider following up on it because I reasoned that having been a firefighter for only 5 years, I wasn’t yet qualified or experienced enough to teach others.
Shortly afterwards, the captain at my fire station offered me a part-time job working for a company he owned and operated in his off hours. It would have been a tremendous learning opportunity, but I turned that down as well because I was afraid of how awkward or problematic it might be having the same boss for two different jobs.
Before attending university I carried the false belief that I was not academically inclined and thus was afraid to pursue higher education. My poor grades in high school and reactions from some of my teachers only reinforced this belief. It wasn’t until I produced good marks in college that my confidence began to grow alongside my desire to pursue university and higher education.
When I was at Sheridan College studying the performing arts, I would often walk by the entrance to the campus radio station and imagine how much fun it would be to volunteer to do a weekly show talking about current events, sharing ideas, and playing my favourite songs. I was at Sheridan for 3 years and never once stepped inside that radio room. I told myself it would take too much time away from my studies. I always regretted that choice. Thirty-five years later while taking an online course at Durham College, I took a chance, stepped into their radio studio, and volunteered to host a weekly one hour show centred around various topics and songs. That experience turned out to be the most fun I’d had in a long time, and although I was bad, surprisingly it won “Best Talk Program of the Year.” It had been 35 years since that radio opportunity last presented itself, but this time when it did I took that step and said, “why not.”
These experiences taught me that we all struggle with fears and the seemingly rational excuses as to why we should not try something. They, and the fear behind them are always going to be there. The question we need to honestly ask ourselves is: Will I have any regrets down the road if I fail to pursue this?
I don’t know where my fear and anxiety over trying new things came from but by asking myself that question, and by taking tiny incremental steps towards what I wanted, things began to change. I began seeing fear for the thief that it is, and stood up to it by taking back the future it planned to steal from me. I realized that risks are only dangerous if they put our lives at stake, anything less is just a failure and in that lie opportunities to learn. I saw that our failures don’t define us, and that as we grow, develop and practice visualizing positive outcomes, our fears weaken even more. Finally, I came to know that when we create an image in our mind of where we want to go in our life and become relentlessly intent on achieving it, that vision becomes an unstoppable force.
It’s ironic that while I never had a fear of heights, running into a burning building, riding the tailgate of a firetruck at 100 km/hr, or speaking in front of people, I would fear trying something I might not be able to complete to my satisfaction. Nonetheless, by gradually stepping into those fears and testing the waters, I learned how to weaken their hold on me. Following a strict workout regimen for 25 years taught me about setting goals and the discipline needed to reach them. The confidence I gained from that led me to try other things like taking courses. Each step hardened me against my fear of stretching myself beyond my comfort zone. I sang and played before large audiences, taught myself about renovation, personal finance, real estate rentals, and completed countless runs, triathlons, marathons and even a ski loppet. I sought promotion, began writing and now aim to speak on exactly this topic. Sometimes the greatest barriers we face in life are those we place in front of ourselves. By allowing our fears to dominate our thoughts we give them permission to push our wants, dreams and passions aside, and when that happens we are not living, we are hiding.
About the Author: Vernon Hiller is a decorated District Chief of Operations (Retired) with the Toronto Fire Services and has served the city for over 36 years. He is a Board member with LEADR - a charitable non-profit organization dedicated to providing literacy tutoring for adults in Durham Region. - Having struggled with ADHD as a child, Vernon is passionate about helping others discover the potential that hides within them.
Great delivery of a very inspiring and clearly heartfelt message. The passion and authenticity in this made me think of this quote from author Kurt Vonnegut: “Find a subject you care about and which you in your heart feel others should care about. It is this genuine caring, and not your games with language, which will be the most compelling and seductive element in your style." The genuine caring that fuelled this piece came across clearly. A wonderful article Vernon.