BREAKING NEWS - 2024 Eclipse Causes Irreconcilable Differences, Leads to Couple's Split
Brian Sankarsingh reports on a celestial encounter that eclipsed the news of the day
In a shocking – but not unexpected in its totality - turn of events, the celestial phenomenon known as the 2024 eclipse has been cited as the cause behind a local man's decision to end his marriage. According to sources close to the situation, what was once a happy union has been eclipsed by irreconcilable differences, all thanks to the cosmic event.
Mr. Todd Day, a resident of Suburbia, Ontario Canada, and his wife, Claire, had been happily married for twelve years until the fateful day of the eclipse. Todd, an amateur astronomer, had been eagerly anticipating the rare celestial event for many months, planning the perfect one-person viewing party complete with a telescope, snacks, and an eclipse-themed cocktail. However, what was meant to be a joyous occasion turned into a nightmare for the couple.
"It all started when Claire refused to wear the eclipse glasses," Todd recounted tearfully. "I begged her to put them on, but she just wouldn't listen. She said they messed up her hair and made her look ridiculous. But safety comes first, right?"
A Celestial Conversation Look up my dear look up For the stars are where we came from Look up and fill your cup To do otherwise will be plain dumb My dear this celestial event Is one we dare not miss Fitting that it be so infrequent The totality of an eclipse Oh, darling please fix me a mimosa While I stare into the corona Please don’t talk about carcinoma Glaucoma or dermatosa My dear it’s just an eclipse-ah No need to get so nervous-ah It’s not like, a supernova
Witnesses to the scene described Claire's adamant refusal to comply with John's safety measures, opting instead to cast seductive glances at the eclipse with her naked eyes while sipping on a mimosa. "I thought he was overreacting," Claire admitted. "I mean, it's just a little bit of sunlight, right? What harm could it do?"
Unfortunately for the couple, the harm was more than just a sunburn. As the eclipse reached its peak, tensions between Todd and Claire reached an all-time high. "She kept complaining about how the eclipse was ruining her tan lines," Todd said exasperatedly. "Meanwhile, I was trying to capture the perfect photograph of the corona, and she was blocking my shot! It was like she was mooning me!”
The final straw came when Todd discovered that Claire had invited neighbors over to join the viewing party without consulting him. "I couldn't believe it," Todd said. "She knows how I feel about unexpected guests, especially during astronomical events. It's just not done! I don’t have time to explain all the forces that conspire to make an eclipse."
In a fit of frustration, Todd grabbed his telescope and stormed out of the house, leaving Claire and their bewildered guests behind. "I knew then that our marriage was over," he said solemnly. "If we couldn't even agree on something as simple as eclipse safety and protocol, what hope did we have for the future?"
As news of the breakup spread, reactions from the community were mixed. Some sympathized with Todd, praising his commitment to astronomical safety, while others criticized him for prioritizing his hobby over his marriage. "It's just a shame," one neighbor remarked. "They seemed like such a happy couple. Who knew that an eclipse could come between them?"
In the end, Todd Day and Claire Day’s love story became just another casualty of the cosmos. It stands as a cautionary tale of what can happen when celestial events collide with marital unity. As for Todd, he remains optimistic about the future. "Maybe now I'll have more time to focus on my astronomy," he mused. "Who needs love when you have the stars?"
As the sun sets on their former life together, one thing is for certain: the 2024 eclipse will be a memory neither Todd nor Claire will ever forget.
Bio: BRIAN SANKARSINGH is a Trinidadian-born Canadian immigrant who has published several books of poetry on a wide range of social and historical themes including racism, colonialism, and enslavement. Sankarsingh artfully blends prose and poetry into his storytelling creating an eclectic mix with both genres. This unique approach is sure to provide something for everyone.
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Brian, this was genius. Yes, it was funny and made me laugh. But the realness of it — the awful, tragic realness — made me cry. Anyone who has been driven to near insanity trying to make sense of a nonsensical situation where things implode, absurdity abounds, and there are no logical answers to be found, will appreciate this piece.