A journey from humiliation, to humility, to gratitude

By Vernon Hiller | Sometimes the paths we take in life can reveal unexpected lessons. This article is about one such lesson I learned many years ago.

By: Vernon Hiller for Sankarsingh-Gonsalves Productions

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

When I was in college my room-mate and I adopted the motto “suffer and save.” We were determined to do it on our own, save our money, and finish college debt free. So, while some of our friends were spending money on beer and regular pub visits, we saved our summer earnings, learned to live on Kraft dinner, liver & onions, potatoes and rice, and resisted applying for student loans. After college I found work in low paying jobs at theme parks, fitness clubs and driving Wheel-Trans buses for those with physical disabilities. But all the while I saved and took courses towards becoming a firefighter.

When I was finally hired by the fire department I had saved just enough money for a 10% down payment on a rickety old house. Mortgage interest rates were at 13%, so money was tight and after getting laid off from what had become my second job driving for Wheel-Trans, I had to quickly find something else. My firefighting income covered my mortgage and utilities, but if I wanted to eat, put gas in my car and pay for insurance, I needed to find a second job quickly. I found one delivering pizzas - 30 minutes or free.

Sometimes people would tip me, but other times I would drive the heck out of my vehicle only to make a delivery to a customer who would count out his payment to the last penny. Meanwhile the clock ticked down on the second delivery I had cooling in my car. There were countless times when I would tell him to keep the change so I could deliver the second pizza on time. They would thank me from the front door of their lovely home as I sped off to my next delivery 25 cents short of what they owed me. It was humiliating to stand there watching them count out the pennies and nickels as the clock ticked down on my next order. I wanted to say that I’m actually a firefighter and I was just doing this to help pay my mortgage, but I was too proud to let them see me defend the situation I was in.

My car took such a beating from racing everywhere that at one point I had a crack across my entire windshield, the brakes were shot, and there was a hole under the driver’s side floor mat the size of a watermelon. On top of that, the tires were bald and the clutch was slipping. So, I had to change gears by gently sliding the stick shift into gear when the engine revs were right (anyone who has been in this enviable position knows it requires very delicate timing in order to make it work). To top it all off, the Nader bolt that held my door closed had broken, so I had to hold the door closed with my left hand while driving. The final blow arrived after getting out of my car quickly to get another order, I slammed the door and the driver’s side window shattered into a million pieces onto the seat. So, I tied a rope around the window frame and would hold the end of it under my left arm while delivering pizzas and shifting gears with my right hand.

When I look back on that period I can’t help but laugh. Although it was admittedly stressful, I was happy, and as time went on I actually learned to embrace humility. I learned to appreciate those who weren’t fortunate enough to have a house or two jobs, and had to get by on only minimum wage. I came to see that my difficulties were meant to teach me something about myself and those who have it so much worse. How we respond to adversity is completely up to us. We can develop resentment, anger and frustration over our situation, or we can accept the blindness of others, choose humility, and use our situation to fuel us to dig deeper in reaching our goals. The latter choice allowed me to feel grateful for all the good in my life and that my future was in my hands to build.

The other takeaway I received was that the grades we get in school, the job we hold, or the kind of car we drive are not what define us. It is our depth of character, the integrity we carry when our values are tested, our sense of empathy, and our willingness to raise others up as we move through life. It is about getting back up when we are knocked down, standing tall when others look down on us, and always keeping our eyes on the target.

Humility is tough because it does battle with our ego and pride, both of which seek elevation and recognition. But those things are fleeting and once obtained, rather than fill us up, they leave us yearning for more. Humility is much grander. It rewards with patience, insight and greater understanding. It takes a back seat while allowing others to take the spotlight. It allows us to quietly press on knowing that our goal is not about competing with others, but in growing into the kind of person we will need to be in order to achieve that goal.

I am so grateful for the lessons I’ve learned in my life, and the struggles I went through to learn them. They have taught me that life’s roadblocks are not put in our way to impede us, but are placed there to test and strengthen our resolve, gift us with a new-found strength when we overcome them, and build our resilience for the next hurdle we encounter. If we choose to run from humiliating experiences or let our egos dictate our actions when we encounter them, we risk missing out on the many lessons to be learned, the humility to be adopted, and perhaps, the gratitude that awaits our discovery.

About the author: Vernon Hiller is a decorated District Chief of Operations (Retired) with the Toronto Fire Services and has served the city for over 36 years. He is a Board member with LEADR - a charitable non-profit organization dedicated to providing literacy tutoring for adults in Durham Region. - Having struggled with ADHD as a child, Vernon is passionate about helping others discover the potential that hides within them.

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