A Brand New Day
By Susan Knight | Finding one’s home, finding one’s identity, and finding one’s way.
Written by Susan Knight | Seeking Veritas Columnist | Sankarsingh-Gonsalves Productions
When all the dark clouds roll away
And the sun begins to shine
I see my freedom from across the way
And it comes right in on time
–Brand New Day, Van Morrison
As I read the article “A Swing, A Pivot, A Self” by Emmanuel Ehi Echoga, I found myself being led down many paths, all different but interconnected. As thoughts floated through my mind, past experiences also came to mind, juxtaposed against the present. The more I reflected, the more I felt compelled to continue exploring some of those paths.
Regarding the subject of home, there are so many factors that can make someone feel as if they don’t have a home. Certainly being away from one’s family can lead to a longing for home, but it’s also possible to be present with one’s family and still feel homeless if there’s a sense of disconnection, that ever-present undercurrent of not quite belonging or being accepted. A feeling of homelessness can also arise from always being the square peg trying to fit into a round hole socially, whether due to being the different one with respect to personality, class, values, financial status, ethnicity/race, or different in some other way which leads to subtle or overt exclusion.
The late Egyptian writer Naguib Mahfouz said, "Home is not where you were born. Home is where all your attempts to escape cease." Those who know what it is to spend years or decades (possibly even a lifetime?) attempting to escape know the pressure, exhaustion, and loneliness that comes with this endeavour. Sadly, and sometimes quite tragically, there are some individuals who never find their way home. But then there are those individuals who do manage to get there, not necessarily externally, but by setting up an internal dwelling place and furnishing it as they see fit. They are then able to reside there in peace, regardless of their physical location or the external conditions.
Emmanuel made the observation that “life, pain, migration, grief, they don’t move in straight lines.” So very true. The lines twist and bend in all kinds of ways. A tight curve here, a treacherous hairpin turn there. One minute you’re coasting along smoothly, and in the blink of an eye the rug has been pulled out from under you and you’re sailing through the air, desperately grasping for something to hold onto. You regain your footing and make your way around a corner, only to find you’re suddenly waist-deep in quicksand, with two thoughts dominating your mind as they compete for attention: how on earth did you get yourself into such a predicament, and how on earth do you get yourself out of it?
One way or another, you do eventually find a way out, but the process is rarely easy, and it often comes with consequences. There might be some humiliation or wounded pride. You might be left battered and bruised, maybe with some permanent scars. On the other hand, there’s the potential for the process to leave you smarter and wiser. There’s the potential for it humble you, such that you can’t help but become a little bit more understanding and forgiving towards others’ mistakes, transgressions, and shortcomings. As for the question of how you got there in the first place, hopefully you’re able to arrive at the answer, or at least gain some degree of relevant insight around it, so you don’t wind up in the exact same predicament again.
On the issue of being told to toughen up: while there are some people who can’t relate to this, there will be others who can relate to it deeply. Whether in a relationship, a family, a workplace, or a broader community setting, the reality is there are certain environments where traits like gentleness, softness, and sensitivity are huge liabilities. At best, someone exhibiting these traits will be mocked, ridiculed, and yes, told to toughen up. At worst, where the environment is governed by a predator-prey mentality, someone exhibiting these traits risks being viewed as prey and treated accordingly, with a variety of implications in terms of potential harm, be it physical, emotional, or otherwise. Which brings us back to the subject of home: it’s hard to feel at home when you’re being ridiculed for who you are; or you’re continually at a disadvantage, perhaps even in danger, because of who you are. Adjust to fit in? Even if this is successfully achieved (which is doubtful), what happens when you’re no longer at home with yourself? That’s often the cost, and it’s a steep price to pay.
Fortunately, there are environments where these traits are valued and appreciated. Environments where there is an understanding that these traits can serve as strengths which can be leveraged in all sorts of ways to benefit oneself and others . Discovering such an environment can result in someone being able to find or create home, or some semblance of it, such that there’s no longer that perpetual need to escape. Or at least the need isn’t quite so urgent, and the attempts aren’t fuelled by such an intense level of desperation.
I agree with Emmanuel’s assertion that “being in-between doesn’t mean being lost.” However, being in-between can certainly make you feel as if you’re lost. It can also make you feel different, isolated, inherently flawed, and alone. I also agree with his explanation that being in-between “means you’re still in motion.” And that, for me, is the exciting part. That in-between state, however it manifests in someone’s life, can be an uncomfortable, awkward, and lonely place to occupy. But if you're able to still yourself while in the midst of the experience, you eventually come to realize, somewhat paradoxically, that you truly are in motion, with change, growth, renewal, and progress being some of the byproducts to look forward to. And with that realization, you can start viewing the whole affair as an adventure, trusting the timing and confidently awaiting the arrival of a brand new day.
About the author: Susan is a writer, certified health and wellness coach, and author of Living Well: Self-Discovery, Connection and Growth
Susan Knight | SGP Featured Writer | Contact the author: @ http://skfreelance.com
Wonderful read and happy my writing was able to inspire you this honestly, thank you so much for sharing 😊